A Brief Moment of Solitary

The last few weeks have been hectic- I've finished all my exams, graduated high school, applied for jobs and university, dyed my hair, been rebellious, adjusted to the fact that now my life revolves around how I want to play it, and isn't restricted by school or those who go there, as we all know, I had a hard time dealing with what people would think. 
A getaway was much needed. Usually the ritual is to travel at the end of the year, or the beginning of a new one, but this time the tradition had to be readjusted to a few months prior. 
My family and I took a 3- day trip down south to Preston Beach, to a very (emphasis on very) isolated place that only around 2,000 people call home. 
We stayed in a beach house that was walkable distance to the ocean. 
The fresh wind, empty beach and quality time with my family was wholesome and I'm grateful to have experienced it. 

YouTube Vs Blogging

I’ve sat down quite a few times in the past few months with the hopes of spitting up a blogpost but nothing has erupted. I think with me, writing is one of those things that I can only do when I’m in a certain headspace. It’s like I'll suddenly think "you know what, I feel like writing" and I'll have a blog post done in 30 mins, but recently I think I’ve just lacked the will power due to a variety of conversations surfacing around my head, surrounding writing. 

1.    Do people even care to read anymore?
2.    I enjoy the process of creating videos and editing much more.
3.    People would much rather click a video and watch something, rather than read and put effort into understanding my writing.
4.    Why do I even write?
5.    Is blogging worth it or should I just move on to YouTube as a new platform?

I feel like I’ve dedicate many hours into my blog and I do really enjoy writing, and as much as people can say "you should do what you enjoy", there is always going to be the factor of "I want people to see this and like it" in the back of my head. 
I do write for myself and am proud that I’ve created this space where I can express my abilities and interests, but if people can’t be bothered reading it because they’d much rather watch a person speak out their thoughts just cause it's easier to digest and less effortful to take in, is this even worth it? 

This also, links to the whole "journalism is a dying art" and as much as I hate to admit it, it is a dying art. People just can’t be fucked to read. 
I know that I’m really picky with what I read and that I’d much rather click on a YouTube video and enjoy hearing someone talk, whilst scrolling through Instagram. It's less time consuming and  it just requires a lot less effort and so I can’t expect others to click on my posts and read a page long rant. 

It is quite a conflicting mind set cause even though I am trying to branch out into YouTube, I know that there is a lot of competition in that area, regardless of how many viewer there are. There is also a much larger controversy surrounding doing YouTube and it requires much higher self-confidence and self-esteem to put yourself out there where people can see your face and hear your voice than it is to type and have people read what you write while you hide your exterior. 

I think at the end of the day it all boils down to where I see myself succeeding more. I believe that I can write quite well, and I don't care if that makes me sound a bit up myself because I have worked really hard on this site and the response has been great, and I believe that I perhaps have a better chance in succeeding as a writer than a YouTuber. But if I had a choice as to where I would want to succeed, I’d say YouTube. 

I think in this society, we respect the job of a YouTuber more than we do of a writer. There is something luxurious and extremely appealing about having YouTube as a job or being known through YouTube. The "wow factor" of YouTube is just much more appealing in my opinion than a 17-year-old behind a laptop writing away, especially to our generation. 

And so, to answer and comment on the points I made before- 
1.    Do people even care to read anymore?
Yes...perhaps not as much as they used to, but I can tell that my demographics are pretty decent and it's all I can hope for. 
2.    I enjoy the process of creating videos and editing much more
Well, there is no denying that, but it doesn't mean you have to give up something else to achieve or work on your other interest.  
3.    People would much rather click a video and watch something, rather than read and put effort into understanding my writing
True again, but those who appreciate writing will just respecting this work more + I get genuine response and feedback on my posts from those who actually like to read, rather than people clicking, increasing my view count, but just to write "sub4 sub". 
4.    Why do I even write?
Because you love to do this, Aastha!
5.    Is blogging worth it or should I just move on to YouTube as a new platform?
Yes, it's worth it because it makes you happy and you've gotten so many opportunities out of working on this blog! Also- Por quĂ© no ambos? 

Here are a few videos I've worked on in the past few months if you'd like to support me on my other interests! 

Contemporary notions of this being

The thought of taking back moments and memories I had created with certain people has been hitting me a lot recently.

I mean this isn't an original or striking thought or anything, but for someone who never usually regrets the past but rather sees it as an experience or an opportunity to learn and grow and build their story on, the feeling of it is quite odd and uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in an in - between. I don't regret what has happened, but I'm not proud of it and would've been much better off without it.
My mind keeps wandering off to thoughts of "what should have been" and "why didn't I see this coming earlier" and "why didn't I do what was right for ME all this time".

It's really frustrating and makes it so difficult to move on, but knowing me I know that in the next couple of days, I'll wake up and be like "Oh what? That was easy. Why'd I take that so seriously lol".
(Update:That day was today.)
I mean anyway, in the long run I know that this will hardly matter and that eventually there will be other things on my mind and this will just be one of those things that I'll easily brush under the rug. But I'm here right now, and it would be really great if I could just wipe the slate.

Well that's one thing that has been on my mind recently.

I guess I'll share some of the other and better things too -

1. Great friendships have remained and I'm closer than ever to some of the best people in my life.

2. I have passed through yet another round of filtration from the toxicity that had resided in life in the form of humans (these are what I am most grateful).

3. Drawing and illustrating the simplest of things (I finished one about 5 minutes ago, it gives me immense joy)

4. A renewed love for English lessons.

5. Admiration for a newly discovered artist on Instagram:@meredithplayground

6. A fresh environment to focus in (it's taking me places I tell you).

7. I've also written one of my longest poems yet, but much like my other poetry, I have alternative plans for it than to publish it here (which I am so excited to act upon in the future).

8. Realising my self worth and giving myself more love.

One of my all time faves from @meredithplayground

This is Celine

This is her, this is Celine.

Gloomy day, spontaneous outing and an extraordinary friend. 

There are some people you see, find interesting but never think you'd get along with. Life has a funny way to throw you into awkward situations that force you to interact. 

Year 9 maths: 
"She doesn't bite". 
However, Celine wasn't convinced, but also had no other choice but to sit next to me. We had been in each other's company only once before, then too she wasn't too keen. 
Celine an artist, me not-so-much an artist, bonded over our disinterest in maths, drawing together and making up absurd stories. 

Celine is a carefree spirit. Beautiful, talented and caring. Our friendship is something I'd refer to as a 'low maintenance'. We don't see each often, or have too many talks, but when we are in each other's presence, it's unduly natural.         

(Also, recently made another video: BYGONE DAYS)